The author before & after weight gain photos
Before & After (weight gain over 1.5 years)

This is very hard to do, to be so open about my weight. I weighed myself this morning, I’m now 109 kgs . That’s 20 kgs heavier than the last time I shocked myself into action. And I was 20 kgs overweight then. I should weigh 69kgs at most. I’m a size 16/18 when I should be a 10/12. I’m average height at 167cm. Bottom line is I’m 40 kgs overweight, I’m obese and it’s not ok.

I’m actually feeling ashamed about it but not because of how I look, or even that I let it happen. I’m ashamed because it almost feels wrong to admit I’m “obese” and for wanting to change how I look. I also feel very embarrassed & exposed, as if there’s some stigma around the word “obese” & I’m publically outing myself.

BoPo Movement Is Not Making Clear Obesity Is Not Ok

The Body Positive Movement has been desperately needed ; no-one should be judged for the way the look.  But obesity is not ok.
WTF was Victoria’s Secret thinking???! Their ad (top) was pulled after the massive backlash.

Ironically, I’m one of those who, rightly!, publically supported the body positive movement when it had its awesome surge recently. In fact, it’s one trigger for starting to blog on Instagram in the first place. It’s message to stop judging is desperately needed.

What I failed to do, and what the body positive movement is failing to do, is distinguish in the message the difference between natural curves at a healthy body weight vs curves as a result of obesity. It’s not emphasising that obesity is not ok & that’s irresponsible.

Being Obese Is Not Ok! It’s Also Not Something To Be Ashamed Of!

So I’m going to say it now; being obese is not ok and neither is it something to be ashamed of. There is nothing wrong with admitting it. Because it’s only then that we can address it.

How To Help Someone Who’s Obese

How to support someone confronting the reality that their obesity isn't ok.
The Acceptance Cycle

To the beautiful souls out there who are trying to be kind. Please stop enabling those of us who are obese by resisting the sweet, but misplaced, urge to make us feel better by telling us we “look lovely” anyway.

When we’re complaining unhappily to you about our weight, it’s a necessary step in the acceptance cycle while we try to confront the truth with some healthy navel gazing. What we’re actually looking for is acknowledgement & support such as “You’ve got this! You’re strong!”, “Congratulations for taking the first step!”,”Weight can be lost, it’s not permanent!”…you get the drift I’m sure!

4 Other Reasons To Lose Weight

Author dislikes being photographed because of obesity
Would prefer to do this for IG!

We all know about the major health risks obesity exposes us to ie diabetes, heart disease etc., so I’m not going to bang on about those. However, if like me those reasons don’t resonate enough to motivate action, then here are some other reasons that are circulating in my head that you might connect with?;

  1. Unable to fit into the majority of my beautiful clothes & it’s crazy expensive buying a new size range
  2. There’s an underlying, persistent unhappiness about how I look; it’s not about lack of self-worth or self-love, or even vanity. Actually, the opposite is driving it because I know I can be better than this!
  3. Avoidance of being in photographed (a major drama given what I do for a living as an ‘Influencer’ nowadays!)
Always Free
🎥 Lana del Ray – Ride

Above anything else however, as a free spirit that literally has panic attacks at any attempt to clip my wings, motivating action now is this reality….

4. “Obesity is RESTRICTIVE!”

Being obese is at a basic level physically restricting. Its preventing my ability to do the things I have learned I must to do for my happiness such as;

Paddling Freycinet Peninsula after hiking Overland Track
  • Being unable to walk more than 2 kms on soft beach sand with my furbaby because the soles of my feet can’t handle the additional weight ie plantar fasciitis
  • Inability to hike at all in remote beautiful places (I live in heaven on earth ffs!) because of painful swollen feet, ankle strain and knee pain from the excessive weight these joints weren’t meant to carry
  • Prevented from kayaking because I can’t fit into a kayak cockpit
  • Unable to garden…..ok I don’t really miss that one!

Why has it taken so long to do anything about it? Why did it get out control? That’s not actually a simple question to answer. Anyone else struggling with obesity I’m sure knows what I mean. In the interests of honesty & openness, I’ll share my stuff because it might resonate or give insight ;

How Did It Happen?

How food should be eaten!
  1. I detest cooking. I’d rather clean filthy toilets than cook. For me, cooking is extremely irritating, mind numbingly boring and time wasting. I only watch Masterchef out of fascination; the level of disconnect is so strong it’s like watching little aliens running around with pots!
  2. I hate the process of eating; it takes too long to chew, it’s messy & it’s really annoying cutting things into small piecese! If I could walk around with one of those stubby holder hats that drip feeds wholesome liquid food instead, I would.
  3. The two periods in my life that I’ve been the most obese both occurred while I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. Eating yummy things was a nice thing to happen in all the misery.

Why The Procrastination & How To Overcome It?

Me dieting….

It’s taken a year to reach a place where I can seriously commit to doing something about weight loss. Frustrated by the procrastination, in the last six months I’ve been working hard to ‘take away the excuses’ as they rear their heads. Of course they’re not all excuses, there are valid multi-layered reasons too.

Just one glass…..

Ultimately however, these reasons were getting in the way and had to be systematically peeled away, one layer at a time. These have been the reasons I kept procrastinating;

  • 40 kgs is a lot of weight to lose. It’s going to take almost a year to lose at a healthy rate. That’s demoralising and overwhelming.
    • Solution: Break it down into psychologically digestible chunks of 5kg goals
  • The catch 22 of having sore feet & needing to increase exercise has frustrated efforts to increase exercise.
    • Solution: get into a routine of deep tissue massage to lessen the pain
  • There are post-divorce mental health issues to address
    • Solution: professional support from a (free!) Relationships Australia psychologist
  • Out of control binge drinking
    • Solution: quit drinking alcohol completely – it’s been 3 months since the last drink.
  • I was eating so much crappy food, and so regularly, it was too big a leap to suddenly eat more healthily on a diet program.
    • Solution; gradually eliminate unhealthy choices & eat before shopping

With an Overwhelming Choice of Diet Programs…Which One?

After trying some awesome diets & failing, in the end I learned that the diet of choice has to be a program that works for us as individuals. It must be something that we will realistically sustain.

For instance, if you enjoy eating & cooking, this truly excellent nutritionist developed program from Body Balancing Nutrition will make you sleep, look & feel the best you have in a long time, as well as lose weight. I felt sensational while I was on it! I just wish I enjoyed eating enough right now! At the moment it’s only available to residents in Perth, Western Australia but that might be changing.

Because of my hatred of cooking, I would be all over Lite ‘n’ Easy if they delivered to rural areas (and I could afford it right now). Tho it’s probably not a sustainable choice; it doesn’t really help to permanently change bad habits or educate in this confusing sea of information.

So I’m going with the program that I can most naturally fit into my life, and that I’ve historically had so much success with; Weight Watchers.

In truth, I’ve had my subscription for 3 months already but have had false starts. My bad! At $30/month it’s excellent value & affordable. It’s ready to go for that imminent morning I wake up resolved that there’s no going back. The app is awesome, the points system so easy to follow, we have control over realistic food choices and our progress.

Can’t wait to fit into this kayak again!

A good sign is that instead of waking up feeling sad, dread and frustration, I’m starting to feel excited about feeling good about myself again. Most importantly though, I’m excited about the freedom of having an unrestricted life again. Bring it on Weight Watchers!

If you’ve also confronted you’re obese too and that it’s not ok, share your story below…it might help to not feel so alone! If you want to join me in doing something about it, here’s where you join, comment below and let’s set a date for our first weigh in together!

World Peace & Tolerance ✌️ 😁

Paula xxx